For seven years of living in this country, one thing is for sure that I can never get used to, is the feeling of being lonely during major Holidays like birthdays, Christmas and New Years! I have been battling this feeling for years, although I may not say it so often but it hit me big time whenever these Holidays come.
My husband and kids were born here so I am pretty much alone in this battle every year. They can never relate with me or understand me unless of course they were born in other countries. Things are so different here. You know the feeling when you have no family or friends around to celebrate it with? Nowhere to go, you wanted to go out but you don’t know where exactly you want to go? My social life is pretty much dead. Life in this country is sooooooo boring! This is not the life I grew up with. This is not how I am used to celebrating these occasions.
I wish my husband was outgoing so at least I can divert my attention and have fun once in a while, but no… he is just happy to stay in the house. I’m not.
I missed hanging out with my old friends, I missed my little brother and sister, I missed to just sit down and laugh with my friends and just be me! I am very jealous looking at those pictures shared on Facebook, the food they prepared for Noche Buena, the sincere smiles on their faces, the fireworks and all, they don’t have much there but they have all the joys painted on their faces as they celebrate Christmas and welcoming the New Year. What about me? Well, I just sat on a chair, on the computer, so lonely, feeling the New Year like an ordinary day! Sucks, ain’t it?
Last time I spent Christmas and New Year with my Filipino family was last 2010, it was unbelievable and I don’t know when I will be able to do that again… it was the last Christmas I have seen my father alive… I want to go home forever and never come back.
I have seen what America is like, I have experienced what life in America is so if I can go back to the Philippines for good, I’ll be happy. Only if I can have my own place, live a peaceful and convenient/comfortable life alone, away from the chaotic and crazy people (people who contribute nothing but trouble into my and mother’s mind)… then I’ll be happy living in the Philippines again…
Duh, just venting out exactly how I feel right now, ranting my New Year blues! It is not a good way to start my year I know but I am just being transparent of the way I feel… Being homesick is my greatest enemy in this country. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and girls, most of the time I am loving my days here, living life the way I pictured out 10 years ago but I can’t help feeling homesick around this time of the year!